Dear Debby,
Thank you so much for stepping up to the plate and filling in for me while I was ill. You did a fantastic job. I know you had your own commitments to fulfill, but you gave me one less thing to worry about as well as the peace of mind I needed to get through my treatments successfully. I believe I can speak for the fellowship when I say your hard work was appreciated very much!
In sobriety,
Betty B., Editor
Easier Led by Example than Ordered to Obey
Thank you so much for stepping up to the plate and filling in for me while I was ill. You did a fantastic job. I know you had your own commitments to fulfill, but you gave me one less thing to worry about as well as the peace of mind I needed to get through my treatments successfully. I believe I can speak for the fellowship when I say your hard work was appreciated very much!
In sobriety,
Betty B., Editor
[Tradition Two] tells me that we are all equal. I and not less than or more
than, above or below any other member. We all have the same time status –
sober drunks.
This is my fourth year in A.A., and I’ve belonged to four groups. I’ve been in business meetings, two branches of district meetings, and at area assemblies where this Tradition was treasured and others where it was disregarded.
My first group showed me this Tradition in action. The business meetings were full of healthy controversy. All members were respected and their opinions welcomed. Even when our motion was defeated, we were made to feel a valued part of the process and not like losers. We left the meetings feeling good about ourselves and the group. The founders were definitely in the “elder statesmen” class.
Another group I was in was founded by “bleeding deacons.” Although service positions were rotated, everyone knew who ran the group. Opposing positions were ignored, and the individual was berated for his opinion, I saw no love and tolerance toward or acceptance of the minority. Meetings were a dreaded confrontation to be avoided by the thin-skinned. Many of those who endured them regretted them.
In the grip of my alcoholism I made bad decisions. A group of us is likely to do the same unless we seek guidance. When we get out of our own way and allow ourselves to be directed by our Higher Power, we generally come to the right decisions for the benefit of all. I don’t take well to human authority since no one person is perfect enough for me. so I must look to rely on divine guidance even when the answer is one I don’t want to hear. When we all try to make decisions following the direction of a tolerant and loving God, I don’t always like the decision, but it is easier for me to accept.
When making my decisions I must always listen attentively to all points of view with an open mind, pray for guidance, and then try to make a decision based on the good of the group and the whole of A.A. – despite my personal feelings and ambitions. I strive for this and don’t always succeed. The step I most often skip is prayer, and the result is a self-centered vote. Most often when this happens, it is rectified by the “ultimate authority” in our group conscience.
Tradition Two is the only one that was expanded when the original “long form” of the Traditions was condensed. I suppose that our egos needed a written reminder. When I am asked to something for the group, it is my responsibility to carry out the wishes of the group no matter my personal feelings. You trust me to serve you, not my own interests.
Following this Tradition will ensure that A.A. survives and is not led astray by those who may mean well but are misguided in their efforts. I am easier led by example than ordered to obey. I am grateful to those who have shown me how this Tradition works. Being a trusted servant is humbling. Being an equal part of a spiritual whole is enriching. Thank you for giving me my head to grow and reigning me in when I am on the wrong path.
Geni P., Guelph Ontario
via, A.A. Digital Archive October 1999
This is my fourth year in A.A., and I’ve belonged to four groups. I’ve been in business meetings, two branches of district meetings, and at area assemblies where this Tradition was treasured and others where it was disregarded.
My first group showed me this Tradition in action. The business meetings were full of healthy controversy. All members were respected and their opinions welcomed. Even when our motion was defeated, we were made to feel a valued part of the process and not like losers. We left the meetings feeling good about ourselves and the group. The founders were definitely in the “elder statesmen” class.
Another group I was in was founded by “bleeding deacons.” Although service positions were rotated, everyone knew who ran the group. Opposing positions were ignored, and the individual was berated for his opinion, I saw no love and tolerance toward or acceptance of the minority. Meetings were a dreaded confrontation to be avoided by the thin-skinned. Many of those who endured them regretted them.
In the grip of my alcoholism I made bad decisions. A group of us is likely to do the same unless we seek guidance. When we get out of our own way and allow ourselves to be directed by our Higher Power, we generally come to the right decisions for the benefit of all. I don’t take well to human authority since no one person is perfect enough for me. so I must look to rely on divine guidance even when the answer is one I don’t want to hear. When we all try to make decisions following the direction of a tolerant and loving God, I don’t always like the decision, but it is easier for me to accept.
When making my decisions I must always listen attentively to all points of view with an open mind, pray for guidance, and then try to make a decision based on the good of the group and the whole of A.A. – despite my personal feelings and ambitions. I strive for this and don’t always succeed. The step I most often skip is prayer, and the result is a self-centered vote. Most often when this happens, it is rectified by the “ultimate authority” in our group conscience.
Tradition Two is the only one that was expanded when the original “long form” of the Traditions was condensed. I suppose that our egos needed a written reminder. When I am asked to something for the group, it is my responsibility to carry out the wishes of the group no matter my personal feelings. You trust me to serve you, not my own interests.
Following this Tradition will ensure that A.A. survives and is not led astray by those who may mean well but are misguided in their efforts. I am easier led by example than ordered to obey. I am grateful to those who have shown me how this Tradition works. Being a trusted servant is humbling. Being an equal part of a spiritual whole is enriching. Thank you for giving me my head to grow and reigning me in when I am on the wrong path.
Geni P., Guelph Ontario
via, A.A. Digital Archive October 1999
In the Grapevine Digital Archive the word “fear’ comes up over 4,000
times.
“Fear of,” more than 400. This fearsome frequency leads me to conclude that
“fear” has a very important place in A.A. literature and in A.A. life.
The phrase “deadly sins” comes up twenty-one times. My first sponsor
drew me a monster and told me that all seven of the deadly “whatevers” were
based on fear.
In my experience, my fear is related to not living the Third Step. When I really surrender, let it go, turn it over, and give up the idea that I am the center of the universe, and the illusion that I have control, then fear diminishes and even takes off for a while.
While “fear” if mentioned over [4,000] times, “surrender” is mentioned 738 times, and “joy” comes through with 1,612. How do they relate to each other? In my experience, fear + surrender = joy.
Anonymous, Maryland via, “The Grapevine”
Parable of a Sponsor
A member of A.A., who had been attending meetings regularly attending meetings, stopped going.
After a few weeks her sponsor decided to visit her. It was a chilly evening, and the sponsor found the sponsee at home sitting before a blazing fire.
Guessing the reason for her sponsor’s visit, the sponsee welcomed her, led her to a big chair near the fireplace and waited. Her sponsor made herself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, she contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the sponsor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone.
Then she sat back in her chair, still silent. The sponsee watched all this in quiet fascination. As the one lone ember’s flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and “dead as a doornail.”
Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. Just before the sponsor was ready to leave, she pick up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
As the sponsor reached the door to leave, the sponsee said, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I’ll see you at the meeting in the morning.
via, Unity, Dayton, OH
Before I came into AA I was dead, but I did not know enough to lie down.
Mike M., San Diego
- Pride. I fear I am less than, so I strut around in arrogance to compensate.
- Covetousness. I fear you have too much, and I don’t have enough.
- Lust. I fear I am not getting enough.
- Anger. I fear I won’t get what I want,
or something I have will be taken away. - Envy. I fear I can’t catch up to you in whatever.
- Gluttony. I fear emptiness inside, so I fill up with food.
- Sloth. I fear making the effort, or success, or failure.
In my experience, my fear is related to not living the Third Step. When I really surrender, let it go, turn it over, and give up the idea that I am the center of the universe, and the illusion that I have control, then fear diminishes and even takes off for a while.
While “fear” if mentioned over [4,000] times, “surrender” is mentioned 738 times, and “joy” comes through with 1,612. How do they relate to each other? In my experience, fear + surrender = joy.
Anonymous, Maryland via, “The Grapevine”
A member of A.A., who had been attending meetings regularly attending meetings, stopped going.
After a few weeks her sponsor decided to visit her. It was a chilly evening, and the sponsor found the sponsee at home sitting before a blazing fire.
Guessing the reason for her sponsor’s visit, the sponsee welcomed her, led her to a big chair near the fireplace and waited. Her sponsor made herself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, she contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the sponsor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone.
Then she sat back in her chair, still silent. The sponsee watched all this in quiet fascination. As the one lone ember’s flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and “dead as a doornail.”
Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. Just before the sponsor was ready to leave, she pick up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
As the sponsor reached the door to leave, the sponsee said, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I’ll see you at the meeting in the morning.
via, Unity, Dayton, OH
Before I came into AA I was dead, but I did not know enough to lie down.
Mike M., San Diego
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